Whether you realize it or not, you fall into one of two camps. You are either A.) descriptivist or B.) prescriptivist. Quick, which are you?

All right, just don't panic. As a paperhelpwriting guru, I’ll help you out: Descriptivists define the language, i.e. spelling, grammar, and syntax, as they are commonly used. Prescriptivists define language as a system of rules, with little or no deviation. Prescriptivists are the ones who curse Webster every year when new words are added to the dictionary; descriptivists are the ones who yawn and say “That’s so six months ago”.

Going With the Flow

Some people enjoy the ebb and flow of language. These descriptivists are hip and with it. They are, in fact, so hip and with it that they don’t say “hip” or “with it” anymore because only old people say “hip” and “with it”. They do such wacky things with language as using “Facebook” as a verb1, treat “like” as a punctuation mark, and invent gerunds more often than most people brush their teeth. They contend that language is the people’s, a tool to be used, not a set of rules to be followed. After all, if everyone understands what you’re saying, what’s the problem?

Order From Chaos

On the other side of the chalkboard are the prescriptivists. They carry style guides and user manuals in their purses. If a word or phrasing has not been approved, codified, and accepted by both Fowler and Garner, it will not pass their lips. It most certainly will not make it into their writing, either. Playing it fast and loose when speaking is one thing, but to commit acts of linguistic graffiti on paper? Unfathomable. Sometimes, when they’ve had a few drinks, they like to gather in the corner and whisper things like “That is totally rad,” then giggle nervously. But when it comes time for business, they straighten their ties, smooth out their skirts, and follow the rules. Because rules create a common ground and make communication possible, and if no one’s following the rules, we’ll never be able to convey ideas to one another.

Who Are These People?

It may surprise you to learn exactly who’s falling onto which side of the line.

That’s right! When you get into an argument about what is and is not a word and reach for your pocket Oxford dictionary, you’re doing it wrong! Dictionaries tell us how we talk, not how to talk; that role falls to style guides and usage manuals. That’s how insipid little words like “meh” managed to claw their nonsensical little legs into our precious references. If you say a word enough times, or misuse it enough times, it eventually will find itself into a dictionary.

So Frelling What?

Why should you care which side you fall into? They’re both widely accepted, so why judge?

There’s one simple reason: formal writing. Even if you’re so descriptivist that you’ve written letters to the editor about the vicious omission of “haz” and “cheezburger” from this year’s American Heritage Dictionary, you have to tighten up the reins when you’re writing formally. When you’re sending off your résumé, make sure that you’re not “an excellent googler”. Keep it all on the straight and narrow when you’re expecting money or a grade for your writing. It may seem stuffy, but it’ll totally save your bacon.

Useful Resources:
Understanding Narrative Mode
What’s A Foil Character?
I Bet You Didn't Know About the Origin of These Americanisms
Some Important Writing Recommendations